idenity (not the graphic kind).

I've spent, for just about as long as I can remember, wishing "things" could be better. I've wished as hard as I possible could that my family didn't have the problems we were constantly having. Most of them were centered around the stress of a large family not having enough money, but there were certainly others.

I came to the conclusion this morning, that I'm really okay with these problems. I've accepted them. They were a challenge, but they made life and interesting (sometimes scary). We're lucky because we've always managed to be okay. We're healthy and happy. Maybe things didn't turn out how my parents envisioned their lives would be, but I think we've made it through the bad stuff, and we can keep moving forward.

I think this is interesting when I ponder my lack of a cultural identity. Yes, I'm American, but America is so large. We have a lot of regional subcultures, and I've never really been able to latch on to one. I'm from the North, I'm a transplant, but I got here before we started having transplants, so I don't quite feel like I fit in there. I definitely don't feel southern because I was raised to feel outside of southern culture. I cling to having long-time-ago english roots because I can at least sense some of that I'm my upbringing (food, stories, personalities), but that idea is laughable and even ridiculed because both my parents and grandparents grew up here. I think that's a reason I like to travel. I don't necessarily feel culturally tied to one place. I do love the south though. I really love Raleigh. I think it is a wonderful place. A strange, confusing place, but a wonderful one at that.

I wonder about what attracted me to the art and design world. I feel for a lot of people, art is something people turn to when they are at a loss. When they feel ill at ease. There is a desire to create a new reality when the one at hand doesn't seem quite right. I think it's closely linked to problem solving.

I feel sort of disheartened in not having a tight cultural identity to feel locked into, but I feel better when realize that design is my identity. I grew up in a culture of searching for solutions to work hard to make things better. It begins at some of my earliest memories.

I think design, a place where everyone is welcome, a place that belongs to humanity itself, will have to be my identity. I intend to keep that going.